Bad surgery/healing related news..but also exciting life news.

get the bad news out of the way first, I seem to have developed an infection. Along the underside of my penis where the dissolvable stitches went, I guess they came out a bit early, and about a week ago a tiny hole developed in the centre where the skin has pulled apart, it got bigger throughout the week and bled occasionally, and got increasingly oozy and gross. so today after seeing no signs of healing and the hole developing to the size of about a 5 pence, i sent a photo and email to Sara from the London surgery team and she said it looks like it could be infected. So i went to see a GP, my usual doctor is away unfortunately, but the lady today was really nice and said it does seem a bit infected but “it’s not looking too horrible” so she took a swab which we will get the results back for next week, but she prescribed me a generic antibiotics to start now to see if that will clear it up. I have spoken to a few other guys who have said they had the same thing at around 6 weeks post op, so that has settled my worry a little bit that it will be okay soon. 

now for the happy news, before all this happened, this morning my girlfriend and I were woken up by a call from the estate agents about a flat we viewed before i had surgery and officially started the application for a few weeks ago, and after hello, her next words were “so when would you like to move in?” so we got it! going in on monday to sign the papers and pay deposit etc and then hopefully leave with the keys and start moving in next week! very exciting :) things are gonna be tough money wise for a while with me just being on statutory sick pay which is £87.55 a week, hopefully be back to work with a bit of extra money before second months rent is due, but still, i cant wait for us to move in! 

6 days ago with 39 notes
#ftm #lower surgery #bottom surgery #transgender #lgbt



upper body changes pre t vs 2 years on t. Unfortunately I’ve lost quite a bit of muscle over my lower surgery recovery and gained a bit of fat back to my hips, but here we are. oh and my chest is 16 months post op.

1 week ago with 115 notes
#ftm #transgender #testosterone #testosterone changes #trans guy #body comparison #self #chest surgery #top surgery #lgbt



here is how my arm has healed over week 2-5 after first stage of phalloplasty

under the cut for the squeamish. week 4 and 5 are with flash as it was a bit darker out. it’s getting there, slowly but surely.

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1 week ago with 22 notes
#ftm #phalloplasty #lower surgery #transgender



4 and a half years difference, I finally recognise myself in the mirror.
Age 18 at my mum’s wedding in may 2010, a tough day having to wear a dress and attempt to look comfortable in it, but i got to change into a shirt and jeans after the ceremony/photos,  the family had a great day so i couldn’t complain xD and then now at 2 years on testosterone and about 3 years after “coming out”.

4 and a half years difference, I finally recognise myself in the mirror.
Age 18 at my mum’s wedding in may 2010, a tough day having to wear a dress and attempt to look comfortable in it, but i got to change into a shirt and jeans after the ceremony/photos, the family had a great day so i couldn’t complain xD and then now at 2 years on testosterone and about 3 years after “coming out”.

1 week ago with 33751 notes
#ftm #self #testosterone #hrt #transgender #trans guy #lgbtq #comparison #transition



Tomorrow will mark my 2 years on testosterone.  so here are my facial changes pre t, 1 year and today.

Tomorrow will mark my 2 years on testosterone. so here are my facial changes pre t, 1 year and today.

1 week ago with 175 notes
#ftm #hrt #testosterone #trans #tt #throwback thursday #lgbtq #transgender #comparison #self



healing update & increased lower dysphoria after first stage of phallo

I’m going to put this under a cut because it ended up being pretty long and rambly.

I’ve been feeling increasingly low over the last few days and I don’t know what to do about it.

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2 weeks ago with 25 notes
#ftm #transgender #lower surgery #dysphoria #trans #lgbtq #personal



brief overview of first stage phallo surgery

I am now 4 weeks post op from first stage of forearm phalloplasty, which consisted of :

-the skin,fat,nerves, and radialartery was taken from my left (non dominant) arm, and used to create a tube within a tube forming the penis and urethra (which should be hooked up to work in the second stage surgery). all of the stitches in my arm are dissolvable, so all that has to be done with it is redressing once a week until it’s healed enough to be left open.

-the skin on my arm was replaced with skin from the area where the top of the back of your leg meets your bum, and the skin left there was then stapled back together, basically like a bum tuck/lift. it was a full thickness skin graft so there is no dip in my arm like alot people think happens. the line of staples went right the way round from the side of my bum along to the inside of my leg, on both sides. the staples were removed at two weeks post op. I might put a photo up of that because I don’t think i explained the positioning very well. these were probably the worst/most uncomfortable bit as laying down, sitting and walking all aggravates it, it was such a relief once they were taken out.

-one testicle implant. there are 3 sizes that they use (small,medium,large) and I was given a medium, so glad it wasn’t large. the implant is currently on my right, but in the third stage when I get the erectile device, it will be swapped over to the left and the pump will be inserted into the right. 

-I have 3 incisions in the groin area, two short ones at the top of each leg, and a longer one that goes from the top of the base of my penis to my lower abdomen which is where the nerve was hooked up. However off the top of my head I can’t remember what the two shorter incisions are from. I had dissolvable and normal stitches around the base of the penis, and just dissolvable ones up the shaft and around the tip. so the only ones that had to be removed were the normal ones at 3 weeks post op. still waiting for alot of the dissolvable ones to go, they’re really annoying as the ones up the shaft are all pokey and spike my testicle and that general area if I don’t put something underneath to protect it. 

I know I’ve missed things out so if you have any other questions or want me to elaborate on anything, then send me a message and I’ll do my best. 

2 weeks ago with 31 notes
#ftm #transgender #lower surgery #phalloplasty #trans #lgbtq



my arm 11 vs 18 days post op from forearm phallo

there’s definitely an improvement, quite a bit more human looking skin this week. still that big blister (black looking area) which i’m hoping will look alot better next week. i can move my hand/fingers alot more over the last few days and my hand swelling has decreased alot. photos under the cut.

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3 weeks ago with 16 notes
#ftm #transgender #phalloplasty #lower surgery



Starting to get seriously fed up of this recovery time

I am only just over 2 weeks post op today, and have at least another 6 weeks to go until I will apparently be healed enough to go back to work, and I am feeling completely and utterly useless and fed up already. I hate being confined to the house because I can’t walk well enough to go out, along with the worry of being walked into if I did manage to walk anywhere. I hate that I have to keep asking my girlfriend to help me with stuff, I’m sure she doesn’t mind, but I still feel like she sometimes gets annoyed with me asking if she can reach or move something for me. We’ve also managed to find ourselves a flat, which is so exciting, but it’s the worst timing since I’m unable to get to the estate agents and sign papers and especially not move things, that on top of me not working for a while and having to use the majority of my savings and her having to work more hours, it’s upsetting that I’m so useless. I hate that if I want to socialise I need to ask my friends if they want to venture up to my house, they all have work or uni, so I’m just at home hoping for someone to come see me. luckily this week two of my brothers are off work as it was their birthday the other day, so I can see them a bit, but they’re back to work monday. 

last night my girlfriend said that a friend of ours wants her to go to a music festival type thing with her in a couple of weeks, which I obviously won’t be well enough to go to. this event is the type where absolutely everyone gets completely off their face for the entire thing, and when she told me our friend asked her to go, I actually felt sick. I don’t even really know why. I guess jealousy, but not the type where I’m worried she’d cheat on me, ‘cause I know she’d never do that, but the thought of her being out there, wasted with our mate, having a great time, while I sit at home just hoping i’ll soon be able to walk to the shop on my own if we run out of bread, made me feel like shit. she even actually asked me if i’m okay with her going, to which I obviously said yes, because it would be so incredibly selfish of me to say anything different, I want her to go out and have a good time, and I feel so guilty about wanting her to stay home with me. I know everything will be a lot easier in a couple of weeks (fingers crossed), but I hate feeling like this. am I being a really shit boyfriend for feeling this way? she has been nothing short of amazing for this entire time and I really don’t want to ruin it and upset her.

3 weeks ago with 17 notes
#ftm #personal #relationships #post op blues #lower surgery



i no longer have staples in my bum! yes!

2 weeks post op today. district nurses just took the staples out of my bum, it only took about 5 minutes, i asked them to stop a couple of times after a few that really stung, but it wasn’t too bad.
feels so much better already. need to make sure i don’t bend too much now though and rip/stretch the scar line before it fully heals over.

1 month ago with 20 notes
#ftm #phalloplasty #lower surgery