there’s definitely an improvement, quite a bit more human looking skin this week. still that big blister (black looking area) which i’m hoping will look alot better next week. i can move my hand/fingers alot more over the last few days and my hand swelling has decreased alot. photos under the cut.
I am only just over 2 weeks post op today, and have at least another 6 weeks to go until I will apparently be healed enough to go back to work, and I am feeling completely and utterly useless and fed up already. I hate being confined to the house because I can’t walk well enough to go out, along with the worry of being walked into if I did manage to walk anywhere. I hate that I have to keep asking my girlfriend to help me with stuff, I’m sure she doesn’t mind, but I still feel like she sometimes gets annoyed with me asking if she can reach or move something for me. We’ve also managed to find ourselves a flat, which is so exciting, but it’s the worst timing since I’m unable to get to the estate agents and sign papers and especially not move things, that on top of me not working for a while and having to use the majority of my savings and her having to work more hours, it’s upsetting that I’m so useless. I hate that if I want to socialise I need to ask my friends if they want to venture up to my house, they all have work or uni, so I’m just at home hoping for someone to come see me. luckily this week two of my brothers are off work as it was their birthday the other day, so I can see them a bit, but they’re back to work monday.
last night my girlfriend said that a friend of ours wants her to go to a music festival type thing with her in a couple of weeks, which I obviously won’t be well enough to go to. this event is the type where absolutely everyone gets completely off their face for the entire thing, and when she told me our friend asked her to go, I actually felt sick. I don’t even really know why. I guess jealousy, but not the type where I’m worried she’d cheat on me, ‘cause I know she’d never do that, but the thought of her being out there, wasted with our mate, having a great time, while I sit at home just hoping i’ll soon be able to walk to the shop on my own if we run out of bread, made me feel like shit. she even actually asked me if i’m okay with her going, to which I obviously said yes, because it would be so incredibly selfish of me to say anything different, I want her to go out and have a good time, and I feel so guilty about wanting her to stay home with me. I know everything will be a lot easier in a couple of weeks (fingers crossed), but I hate feeling like this. am I being a really shit boyfriend for feeling this way? she has been nothing short of amazing for this entire time and I really don’t want to ruin it and upset her.
2 weeks post op today. district nurses just took the staples out of my bum, it only took about 5 minutes, i asked them to stop a couple of times after a few that really stung, but it wasn’t too bad.
feels so much better already. need to make sure i don’t bend too much now though and rip/stretch the scar line before it fully heals over.
Lower surgery update. Thursday 18th September.
so everything was going really well at home, mobility coming back, eating properly again, then tuesday i started getting itchy throughout the day and rashes started appearing. they spread everywhere and by the evening it became unbearably painfully itchy, to the point that i was crying. The Out of hours GP came out to look at me and suspected that i caught an infection so he wanted me to go into hospital. along came the ambulance guys, mum came in with me. i got given IV antibiotics on the way to hospital, and then blood tests and got checked over by a surgeon once there at about 12.30am. everything looked like it’s healing fine and that I’ve just had an allergic reaction to something. just nobody knows what still :/ so i was allowed to go home at 4am and given a pack of antihistamines. my step dad came to pick us up and we got home just after 5am. the rash is still angry looking but i’m nowhere near as itchy. i don’t know what i would’ve done without my mum, step dad and girlfriend. so incredibly grateful for everything they’re all doing for me at the moment. fingers crossed this will be the only complication throughout recovery.
I’m alive guys! spent last night in HDU, then had a bit of an ordeal this morning which i will explain later. but all is well, my phallus apparently has a good strong pulse hah so that’s great. I’m back in my room now, pain isn’t too bad at all right now, barely used my morphine button this evening. hopefully get some great sleep tonight.
woken up at 6.30 by the nurse, showered with the hibi scrub again. got the sexy gown, stockings and net pants on. a guy i met yesterday who’s had his second stage came in to see me and wish me luck as he gets discharged while I’m in surgery.
a different nurse and a student nurse came in just now to go through my paperwork and check i have my gown etc on. They said to take my gauges out and i was like nooo i put plastic ones in! so it’s okay i get to keep them in :)
just waiting for surgeon and anaesthetist to come see me now then off i go. aaahhhh.
I am currently sat in my room at The Spire Hospital in Slough, surgery is set for 8ish tmoro morning. All the staff have been lovely so far, the hospital is a private hospital i think, so it’s pretty fancy.
so far today, i was admitted at 6pm, was shown to my room, and it’s really quiet as there is only 3 other patients here at the moment! but apparently will be around 90 by the end of the week. and i had a ham sandwich.
a doctor came in and took 4 vials of blood earlier, a nurse did my blood pressure, bmi, mrsa swabs (all the usual things) and went through what will happen post op tmoro and showed me the High Dependency Unit where i will be staying tmoro night. she said i will wake up with: oxygen mask, a drain, a catheter, and i cant remember the name of them but the cuffs that massage your legs to keep blood flow etc, and the self administering mophine drip thing. oh and also my arm will be massively bandaged up and be up in a foam sling thing.
so that’s all so far, i dont think i will be able to make a post tmoro, so if not i will post asap to let you all know i am alive :)
here are pics of my room, and the tshirt my mum bought me for when i get to hers next week for recovering.
for those of you who have been asking about my girlfriend, thought i’d post these so you can all appreciate her awesomeness xD she kindly filled in my lack of moustache in the first pic :3 if you appreciate Enter Shikari, motorbikes, kittens and tattoos you should go follow her here xD
also, i got my tattoo finished today, and after alot of deliberation about what time to get put on my pocket watch, i decided to do 10 past 10, as i started testosterone on the 10th october. so double meaning of t, plus something transition related without it being obvious :)
in other news, 17 days until my first lower surgery! shits getting real now.